Overcome

Blogging's funny. I sort of philosophize about whatever's going on. Well, right now, fear's going on. Paralyzing, unholy fear.

Let me lay down the stats:
3 - hours I spend a day looking for a job
4 - nights in the last week where I've had trouble falling asleep because of worry about getting a job.
3 - Interviewers or resume reviewers who have told me I am unqualified (which I can't blame them for; I am.)
100% - of my recent prayers have ended with me forgetting that I'm praying and continuing to worry. Even if I'm praying about being faithful to God.

I don't know why we do this as humans. I mean, if there's one theme I want to have in this blog, it's that I try to look at things from Eternity's angle. But sometimes I just straight up don't believe in that stuff. I believe strongly in schedules and friends and deadlines and incompetence and very little in God's faithfulness. And that's just unrealistic.

A good view would hold worry as a pathetic and prideful thing, one that seeks to have everything in the person's control yet recognizes the lack of ability to control these things. A good view would recognize the fact that God leads the universe like a conductor a symphony, and the right sound comes out, even though that violinist in the back doesn't have a clue what he's doing.

But still the violinist sits and worries, not about how the band will sound, but about whether or not he'll be able to crescendo at the right time or play all those 32nd notes fast enough.

AND IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER.

All I should do is be faithful to what God of Eternity has given me. Unfortunately, I'm more likely to succumb to the prince of this world.